The Healing of Wounds to the Soul - Part 2
Ordinarily, we have a strong inner drive to survive, and to use our wits and personal strength to cope with our wounds, in order to go forward in this one life we have been given to live. We are very good at devising ways to cope. We are especially adaptive, as children. We can learn how to live in ways that make us acceptable to others, so that life hurts less than before we took that last coping step.
One four year old girl had to adapt when her mother ran away and left her with her lumberjack father and her one year old baby sister. Right after her mother ran away, her father lost his right arm in an accident in the woods. After his recovery and therapy, he was able to get other work, but his four year old daughter had to do most of the house work. He spent a lot of time showing her what he knew about house work, and she followed his ways. When she married and then returned from her honeymoon, her husband found her in the bedroom putting a pillow case on a pillow. She had gotten the pillow into the inner pillow case with her left hand, and was holding the corner of the case with her teeth, while she pulled the zipper with her left hand. Her right arm was hanging by her side. Her father had taught her the way he did it, with his one arm, and she had adapted.
A young man grew up in the hills of West Virginia, with an angry alcoholic father who would come home drunk and look for someone in the family to slap on the head. When he was real little, these slaps hurt a lot. As he got older it hurt less, and humiliated him lots more. He got so that he would duck and cover his head whenever his father was drunk and came near. Now, 30 years later, his father is not drinking like he did; but, whenever he raises his hand to scratch his head, and his son is near, his son will duck and cover his head. The wound in his soul is still very much alive and tender. It causes him to react in this way, which makes him feel very foolish every time it happens. He carries deep anger toward his Dad, which hinders this very basic and important relationship in his life. This anger spills over into other relationships, including the relationship with his wife. His wife has said she fears what will happen to her children because of his anger.
Wounds of rejection, fear, trauma, or worthlessness are very real. If we could see our souls, and if they had physical properties, like a liver, we would see bleeding wounds and deep bruises on them. These wounds are just as fresh as when they happened. The world teaches us that “time heals all wounds”. This is a lie from the “father of lies”, the devil. The wounds never heal unless Jesus heals them. Those who have wounds that Jesus has not healed will usually try to heal them through their own efforts. Finding that this doesn't work, they usually resort to some form of trying to protect the wounds from being touched, so they will stop hurting. People build walls around themselves, to protect their wounds, so they won’t get hurt. People engage in activities and forms of conversation that are only on the surface, so nobody will get deep enough to touch their wounds. Hurt is a part of nearly everybody’s life, because of these wounds.
In about 1990, I ministered to a woman of 31 who had a deep wound in her soul that hurt her nearly every day. She had not found a way of protecting herself from this wound, because it was so prominent in her active memory. Ten years earlier, when she was only 21, she had been asked to take care of her little sister, who was 16, while her parents went out of town over night. She had a date that night, but her sister said she was planning to stay home and watch TV. She promised she would not have any friends in the house. The younger sister was usually very reliable, so she agreed to this. When she came home from her date, she called for her little sister. There was no answer. She searched the house, and found her sister in her bedroom. She had shot herself through the head, while sitting up in bed. She lay in a pool of blood in the bed. The shock and horror of this sight made this the worst day in the life of this young woman I was meeting with. She was near hysteria with grief for days after that incident. There was the pain of losing her sister; the pain of seeing the horror of the death scene; and there was pain from guilt because she was not there to prevent this thing from happening.
She came to me with this pain in her soul, ten years after the incident. She began to cry with the pain of the memory while describing it to me. I was deeply moved, and expressed compassion. I told her that Jesus was there with her in the room when she discovered her sister. He was available to minister to her, but she didn’t realize it. So, she did all she knew how to do. She comforted herself as well as she could. Her effort to take care of herself brought meager results. She still needed that wound healed. I asked her if she would be willing to let Jesus take her back to that scene for just a very brief time, so she could discover Him in that memory, and then let Him minister to her, and heal her. She said, “yes”.
We entered into prayer, and I asked Jesus to give her peace, as she was trusting Him to take care of her during this time of dealing with the memory. He did. Then, I asked her if she would be willing to set her personal memory retrieval system aside, and let Jesus take over and take her to the precise moment in the memory where He wanted her to arrive. She said, “OK”. Then, I asked Jesus to take her back into that memory, and let her see what happened only just long enough for her to get in touch with that reality, and to know and feel her need for His healing touch. He took her back into the memory to the hallway outside her sister’s room. She saw the hallway just as if she were really there. The memory was made very real by Jesus. Of course, He remembers every detail, and can bring it all back, as He sees fit. She began to weep some, because of her fear of what was coming next. I encouraged her to go into the room, and see what was there, and assured her that she would not be required to look for more than a second or two. I told her that Jesus would be there to help her.
She stepped into the room, and saw the horrible sight. The old feelings came back with a rush, and she began to cry in earnest. I reminded her that Jesus is there, and that if she would look around the room she would find Him. I assured her she would not have to look at her sister again. She turned away from the bed, and began to look for Jesus. Very soon, she saw Him standing not far from her, looking at her with a look of deep compassion on His face. His arms were outstretched toward her, inviting her to come into His arms, so He could hold her and comfort her.
She ran into His arms, and held onto Him with all her might, as He held her. She could actually feel Him holding her. I encouraged her to push all the pain, all the grief, all the fear, all the anger out the front of her chest, into Him. I explained that it wouldn’t hurt Him, that He wanted to take it from her, and that as this stuff left her, His peace would take its place. She pushed it out into Him, and His peace came. He began to speak to her. The first thing He said was, “It wasn’t your fault”. When she heard this truth, she began to sob with relief. A part of the healing had taken place. I could have told her that. Her parents could have told her that. She could have agreed, intellectually, but the pain would have still been there. Your healing comes when you hear the truth from Jesus in the midst of immersion in His love.
She had several questions to ask Him, and I suggested a few more for her to ask. He spoke right into her mind, as He answered all of her questions. At the end of this exchange, she was quickly falling in love with her Savior. She hugged His neck, and thanked Him for coming to help her. I asked her to open her eyes, and we talked for a few minutes. Then, I asked her to close her eyes, just for a minute or two. She did. Then, I asked her to go back to her sister’s bedroom, and go to the far corner, away from the bed. Then, I asked her to look over at the bed for just a second. She did. I asked her how she felt. She said she didn’t even have to look away. She was feeling peace, because she knew her sister was with Jesus, and the loss wasn’t her fault, and, besides, Jesus was right there with her. Her soul was healed of that wound. She never had pain from that memory again.
There are many people who do not have any such traumatic memory as this. Therefore, they believe they must be “just fine”. However, if they are really honest, they realize that they have this dull ache, or pain, in their hearts a lot of the time. Some call it just a "yucky" feeling. They don’t know where it comes from, but it seems to spoil the joy they wish they had. It spoils their peace. It hinders their ability to love people adequately. It can, and does frequently, make them feel lonely. They don’t know what to do about it, so they just try to push it down, and cope. But, it keeps returning. This "yucky" feeling is the result of wounds.
In this case (there are many of these), I ask the person to try to identify the kind, or flavor, of feeling it is. As we begin to identify the feeling, I ask the person to let himself feel it, just a little bit, so Jesus can use it as a pathway back into their past, so He can take the person there to discover the origin, or source, of this yucky feeling. The feeling is described, frequently, with words like: I don’t measure up; I can never please them; they don’t love me; nobody would miss me, if I were gone; or I can’t seem to do anything right. I explain that Jesus will take them back to the precise event when there was a hurt that began to produce this yucky feeling. Over the years there have been many similar events that poke that wound and cause the yucky feeling to grow.
When Jesus takes the person to the memory, He will cause them to see a person or a thing, indoors or outdoors, something simple. I encourage the person not to try to figure out why He has them looking at what is in front of them. Then, I ask them to tell me the moment they see this object or person, so I can begin to ask them questions about it, before they get to analyzing it. I don’t ever tell them what they are seeing, or what is happening. I don’t know, and can’t see. But, the Holy Spirit shows me what questions to ask, as a way of getting him to describe the scene and what is happening. He also shows me what questions He wants the person to ask Jesus. Soon, we discover the source of the pain, grief or yucky feeling, and Jesus shows up in the memory and ministers to the person, bringing His glorious healing. He normally manifests the same loving ways as described above, as He ministers to the person with His eyes and words, and holds them in His arms, taking the pain right out of their soul.
Often, while in this encounter, the person will hear Jesus tell them some important things about the parent or other person who hurt them. This revelation gives the person a whole new understanding about the one who hurt them. In addition, the Lord frequently tells the person things about themselves that builds them up very significantly. This encounter with Jesus is usually life-changing.
If God's Holy Spirit is showing you that you need some healing from Jesus, I would recommend that you find a deeply spiritual person that you trust, and have them read this material. Then, ask this person if he would be willing to help you with this healing process. There are some who don't know anyone who can or will do this, so they just have to go to Jesus and ask Him to take them to the memory and show them the truth, and just relax and let Him do it. He wants you to have your healing, so if you come to Him as a child of God, in full submission and dependency, and ask for your healing, He will lead you there.